RBI Baseball is pretty much the best video game ever made. I still play it a couple of teams a week online (here, if you're interested). While I tend to play with my beloved Boston Red Sox, every team has at least a couple of players that make them worth playing as. So, with that in mind, today we'll look at the All Time Top Five Best Players in RBI Baseball. While there's no Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson-types in RBI Baseball, there are definitely some players who are better than others.
5) Tony Armas, Boston - Tony Armas is one of the best hitters on the Red Sox squad in that game, which is ironic since you have to go to the bench to use him. I sub him for Marty Barrett, who is a good player in his own right, but I want to get Armas and his 43 homeruns as many at bats as possible. Another popular move is subbing him for Spike Owen and his putrid .231 average and 1 homerun. Either way, Armas guarantees you at least one light tower shot a game.
4) Mark McGwire, AL All Star - Another hidden gem of power, this time located on the American League All-Star team. For some reason he didn't make the starting lineup (Don Mattingly took his spot), but plug him in in place of the flawed Willie Randolph and watch the homeruns fly. 49 dingers don't grow on trees.
3) Vince Coleman, St. Louis - The fastest player in the game. Coleman (and, to a lesser extent, the #2 hitter in the St. Louis lineup, Ozzie Smith) will drive you crazy legging out infield singles, stealing the base every time, and rounding the bases on a gapper for an inside the park homerun. While he's a blast to play with, you need every ounce of his speed, as the St. Louis lineup lacks thunder, with only Jack Clark as a legit homerun threat every time up. Then again, with Vince's speed, you don't really need it.
2) Reggie Jackson, California - The best hitter in the game, bar none. Jackson hit in every game like it was the '77 World Series. What's strange about it though, is that, while most batters statistics seem to come from either 1986 or 1987 (the years before the game debuted), Jackson's .275 average and 39 homeruns were amassed in 1982. Obviously someone at Tengen was a big Mr. October fan.
1) Bret Saberhagen, AL All-Stars - Saberhagen's unique side armed delivery (which I don't think he threw like in real life, strangely enough) gave him devestating command of breaking pitches, making him the best pitcher in the game. While most pitchers in the game are only able to last 3 innings or so at peak performance, seemingly disqualifying Sabes from being the best player in the game, if you could amass the needed 10 run lead for a forfeit (a pretty easy task with the thunder found in the AL All-Star lineup), Sabes was capable of throwing you a no-hitter every time out. And that's all you could ask for from a pitcher. Sabes is my favorite player to use in the game, and the most dominant. Therefore, he's the All Time Best Player in RBI Baseball, by a hair.
The truth is though, you can make a case for most anybody. But since Sabes was the most unique, I think it makes sense that he get the title. Man, that game was awesome.
All Time Top Five Best Players in RBI Baseball That Didn't Quite Make the Cut: Roger Clemens, Nolan Ryan, Dwight Gooden, and every other hard throwing overhanded starting pitcher (They were all nasty, but all pretty much the same. How do you distinguish?), Don Baylor (this guy was awesome and a guaranteed homer every game, but I didn't want to go too Red Sox heavy, even though they were clearly the best team), Juan Berenguer (who? The hard-throwing set up man in the Minnesota bullpen, that's who. Do yourself a favor and close games out with this guy instead of Reardon--you'll be glad you did.), and Lenny Dykstra (an underrated source of speed who could poke one out for you as well. Him and Mookie Wilson were kind of a poor man's version of Vince Coleman and Ozzie Smith, but with more pop).
And One All Time Top Five Best Players in RBI Baseball Who Wasn't Even Close to Making the Cut: Al Pedrique - Somehow this guy made the NL All-Star team on the game, single-handedly bringing down the whole team. The guy only spent 3 years in the bigs with 3 different teams. Clearly Pedrique has some incriminating photos of someone at Tengen, or maybe it was an inside joke. Either way, this lovable loser would go down in history as the worst player in the game, making him a bizarro household name to millions of young men across the country. Way to go Al!
Friday, June 8, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
All Time Top Five Best Smiths Songs
Because I've been listening to The Smiths a lot again lately, here are their five best songs, unequivocally, as determined by me. Please note that it's nearly impossible to pick just 5, but, as that's the point of the blog, feel free to draw your own conclusions.
5) This Charming Man - It's songs like this that make me wonder why The Smiths have a reputation for being so depressing and dour. Sure, some of the songs do fit that mold, but it seems to me that just as many are actually quite peppy and danceable, like this jaunty tune. Johnny Marr's jangly opening riff sets up a fun song that's lyrics return to the one of Morrissey's favorite topics. The sexual ambiguity delivered is all well and good, but it's the clever coupling of lyrics that makes Morrissey so rightly revered, and it's on full display here.
4) Panic - An anthem for today's hipsters, never before has the radio been called out so publicly, proudly, and catchy...uh, ily. The second half of the song--the near constant refrain of 'Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ' is brilliant, and will ring in your head for days afterwards.
3) There is a Light That Never Goes Out - Just a great song. It's perfect in that it's catchy, but still sublimely powerful. In the simple refrain of 'There is a light and it never goes out,' to close the song, we're left feeling sad, but still hopeful, which is, I think, the essence of great art.
2) How Soon is Now - A little bit of an upset here, in that it's not number 1 as would be the knee jerk reaction, but I just think there is one song that is slightly better. (What can I say, I'm a sucker for the piano.) However, that should take nothing away from 'How Soon is Now' a perfect slice of loneliness that anyone who has ever stood in a crowded room and never felt more alone can relate to. My favorite line, 'There's a club if you'd like to go, you could meet somebody who really loves you. So you go and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own, and you go home, and you cry and you want to die,' reminds me of just how painful and awkward it was at times to be single in the city. There's nothing really redemptive about this song, just a sad commiseration of being awkward, lonely, and wanting to be loved. To answer my own question from earlier, as this is probably the best known Smiths song, it's probably where their reputation comes from.
1) Asleep - Continuing on with the bleak theme of greatness, Asleep is my favorite Smiths song (or should I say favourite). It's so sad, yet still so filled with hope. Perhaps it's not the intent, directly (it's obviously about committing suicide because the world is so bleak that anything must be better), and yet Morrissey convinces us that this is a good thing. Quite frankly, I'm not sure the so-called Emo culture could exist without this song. It's sad, beautiful, and perfect, from the opening sad notes played by Marr on the piano, to Morrissey's breathy "oh, there must be" as the song ends, it's just perfect.
All Time Top Five Best Smiths Songs That Didn't Quite Make the Cut: What Difference Does It Make (another great guitar riff by Marr to open the song, but 'This Charming Man' filled the quota for the list), Shoplifters of the World Unite (great solo in the middle of the song by Marr that is so simple, yet really brings the song home), Ask(another great riff by Marr), Bigmouth Strikes Again (in concert, Morrisey changed the lyrics of this song from 'as the flames rose to her Roman nose, and her walkman started to melt' to 'as the flames rose to her Roman nose, and her iPod started to melt.' I thought that was cool), Sweet & Tender Hooligan (any song about futbol hooligans is okay in my book), and Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want (too many depressing songs on this list already, but it would have been a fair choice nonetheless).
5) This Charming Man - It's songs like this that make me wonder why The Smiths have a reputation for being so depressing and dour. Sure, some of the songs do fit that mold, but it seems to me that just as many are actually quite peppy and danceable, like this jaunty tune. Johnny Marr's jangly opening riff sets up a fun song that's lyrics return to the one of Morrissey's favorite topics. The sexual ambiguity delivered is all well and good, but it's the clever coupling of lyrics that makes Morrissey so rightly revered, and it's on full display here.
4) Panic - An anthem for today's hipsters, never before has the radio been called out so publicly, proudly, and catchy...uh, ily. The second half of the song--the near constant refrain of 'Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ, Hang the DJ' is brilliant, and will ring in your head for days afterwards.
3) There is a Light That Never Goes Out - Just a great song. It's perfect in that it's catchy, but still sublimely powerful. In the simple refrain of 'There is a light and it never goes out,' to close the song, we're left feeling sad, but still hopeful, which is, I think, the essence of great art.
2) How Soon is Now - A little bit of an upset here, in that it's not number 1 as would be the knee jerk reaction, but I just think there is one song that is slightly better. (What can I say, I'm a sucker for the piano.) However, that should take nothing away from 'How Soon is Now' a perfect slice of loneliness that anyone who has ever stood in a crowded room and never felt more alone can relate to. My favorite line, 'There's a club if you'd like to go, you could meet somebody who really loves you. So you go and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own, and you go home, and you cry and you want to die,' reminds me of just how painful and awkward it was at times to be single in the city. There's nothing really redemptive about this song, just a sad commiseration of being awkward, lonely, and wanting to be loved. To answer my own question from earlier, as this is probably the best known Smiths song, it's probably where their reputation comes from.
1) Asleep - Continuing on with the bleak theme of greatness, Asleep is my favorite Smiths song (or should I say favourite). It's so sad, yet still so filled with hope. Perhaps it's not the intent, directly (it's obviously about committing suicide because the world is so bleak that anything must be better), and yet Morrissey convinces us that this is a good thing. Quite frankly, I'm not sure the so-called Emo culture could exist without this song. It's sad, beautiful, and perfect, from the opening sad notes played by Marr on the piano, to Morrissey's breathy "oh, there must be" as the song ends, it's just perfect.
All Time Top Five Best Smiths Songs That Didn't Quite Make the Cut: What Difference Does It Make (another great guitar riff by Marr to open the song, but 'This Charming Man' filled the quota for the list), Shoplifters of the World Unite (great solo in the middle of the song by Marr that is so simple, yet really brings the song home), Ask(another great riff by Marr), Bigmouth Strikes Again (in concert, Morrisey changed the lyrics of this song from 'as the flames rose to her Roman nose, and her walkman started to melt' to 'as the flames rose to her Roman nose, and her iPod started to melt.' I thought that was cool), Sweet & Tender Hooligan (any song about futbol hooligans is okay in my book), and Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want (too many depressing songs on this list already, but it would have been a fair choice nonetheless).
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
All Time Top Five Signs the Boston Celtics are Cursed
Some people here may not know it, but I'm a huge Celtics fan. And last night was a brutal stomach punch...I keep thinking it was a dream, and that I'll turn on the television tonight and watch us get the #1 pick and Greg Oden. But it's a horrible, horrible reality, and I'm feeling extremely sad today. To vent my frustrations, and for, I don't know, therepeutic reasons (?), today will be the All Time Top Five Signs the Boston Celtics are Cursed. Without further ado:
5) Celtics Trade #7 Pick in 2006 Draft to Portland, Portland Selects Brandon Roy, 2006 NBA Rookie of the Year, 2007 Lottery Representative for Portland; Portland Gets #1 Pick in 2007 NBA Draft - A mouthful, I know, but it's necessary to understand just how deep the curse runs. Portland trades us Sebastian Telfair (and his apparently unlimited supply of firearms) in exchange for the pick that was Brandon Roy. Roy goes on to be the best rookie in the league and undoubtedly a star for years to come. Fast forward to this year, and the Blazers realize they have a lucky rabbit's foot in Roy, so they send him as their representative to the Draft Lottery, where Roy's luck works again, as the Celtics get shut out of the Top 4 and Portland and Roy get Greg Oden (essentially). I feel like Rob Gordon in High Fidelity after he finds out Allison Ashmore married Kevin Bannister. "Alison married Kevin! I am fine now! Married her junior high school sweetheart: kissed me on the bench, kissed Kevin on the bench - MARRIED Kevin. This is great! This has got nothing to do with me! This is fate, this is destiny; it is beyond my control, beyond my fault. I love this!" Just keep repeating it...this has nothing to do with me. It is beyond my control...deep breaths...
4) Celtics get #5 pick in the 2007 NBA Draft Lottery - The logical follow-up to trading away Roy. Of course we'd be punished by the basketball gods for making such a boneheaded trade. Sure, we had something like an 88% chance of getting a pick better than 5, but...honestly, I'm not sure I can even discuss this rationally right now. It was a like a punch to the gut. A hard one. The funny thing is, I ran ESPN's lottery simulator 10 times last night. By odds, the Celtics should have gotten one of the Top 2 picks about 4 times. After they only came up 1 time out of 10, I started to panic and kept running it. I ended up with the Celtics getting a Top 2 pick 2 times out of 17 before giving up and cussing out ESPN's stupid bullshit machine. And both times it was the #2 pick. I should've known better. The worst part, is the Celtics kept getting the 4th or 5th pick, which the odds were very much against. After it kept happening, I said to myself, "yeah, but that'll never happen. We'll get at least the 2 or 3..." Actually getting saddled with the #5 pick never even crossed my mind. It was like thinking of a UFO landing in your backyard. Is it theoretically possible? Yeah, I guess so. But you'd never expect it. I'm rambling. I need to move on.
3) Len Bias Dies - Most people would probably consider this number 1, or at least number 2, on this list, and with good reason. Len Bias dying before ever suiting up for the Celtics would be like if Kevin Durant dropped dead unexpectedly the day after he's selected by the Sonics. It was shocking and devestating, and was the first sign that maybe things wouldn't always turn up roses for the Celts. The reason I don't list it higher is that, at the time, we still had Larry Bird and fielded some very good teams after this. While it's true that the Celtics would never win another championship (and clearly that is something that is bound to continue), I don't think anyone could have sensed at the time that it would be the death knell for Celtics basketball. It wasn't the first in a long line of horrible luck; rather, it was just the first bad thing that had ever really happened to the Celtics. Who knew?
2) Reggie Lewis Dies - I remember when I heard about this (I was only 11 years old at the time), I'd just got back from playing basketball with my dad. It was so strange to think that somewhere not too far away, Reggie Lewis had been doing the same thing--just shooting free throws--when he collapsed and never woke up. I knew that there was something wrong with him, as I'd been watching the playoff game agains the Hornets when he collapsed the first time, but I always just sort of thought he'd recover. It was a crushing blow for the Celtics and all of New England, and it signaled the end of an era in Celtics history. The team really hasn't been the same since.
1) Celtics Don't Get #1 Pick in 1997 NBA Draft, despite Best Odds, miss out on Tim Duncan - This one still hurts every day. Having to watch Tim Duncan go out and win championship after championship after championship (and, undoubtedly after this year, after championship) has been brutal. Not winning that lottery left us Munsoned out in no-man's land, left to mediocrity year after year (with the exception of the magical run in 2002, which doesn't really count since everyone knew that 1) that team was playing over their heads; and 2) whoever won the Eastern Conference Finals was going to get the shit kicked out of them by the Lakers anyway, which inevitably happened to the Nets, who got swept). The fact that we got screwed again this year, amazingly only makes 1997 sting that much worse.
All Time Top Five Signs that the Boston Celtics are Cursed That Didn't Quite Make the Cut - Paul Pierce is stabbed outside a nightclub (but, thank god, he made a complete recovery); Rick Pitino Agrees to Coach Club (and proceeded to lay an egg and almost irrevocably destroy the club before hightailing it out of here; still, if he got Duncan, it might have been different); Vin Baker is inexplicably traded to the Celts (and brings his booze with him); and Red Auerbach dies before the 2006-2007 season (talk about bad signs; we miss you Red).
5) Celtics Trade #7 Pick in 2006 Draft to Portland, Portland Selects Brandon Roy, 2006 NBA Rookie of the Year, 2007 Lottery Representative for Portland; Portland Gets #1 Pick in 2007 NBA Draft - A mouthful, I know, but it's necessary to understand just how deep the curse runs. Portland trades us Sebastian Telfair (and his apparently unlimited supply of firearms) in exchange for the pick that was Brandon Roy. Roy goes on to be the best rookie in the league and undoubtedly a star for years to come. Fast forward to this year, and the Blazers realize they have a lucky rabbit's foot in Roy, so they send him as their representative to the Draft Lottery, where Roy's luck works again, as the Celtics get shut out of the Top 4 and Portland and Roy get Greg Oden (essentially). I feel like Rob Gordon in High Fidelity after he finds out Allison Ashmore married Kevin Bannister. "Alison married Kevin! I am fine now! Married her junior high school sweetheart: kissed me on the bench, kissed Kevin on the bench - MARRIED Kevin. This is great! This has got nothing to do with me! This is fate, this is destiny; it is beyond my control, beyond my fault. I love this!" Just keep repeating it...this has nothing to do with me. It is beyond my control...deep breaths...
4) Celtics get #5 pick in the 2007 NBA Draft Lottery - The logical follow-up to trading away Roy. Of course we'd be punished by the basketball gods for making such a boneheaded trade. Sure, we had something like an 88% chance of getting a pick better than 5, but...honestly, I'm not sure I can even discuss this rationally right now. It was a like a punch to the gut. A hard one. The funny thing is, I ran ESPN's lottery simulator 10 times last night. By odds, the Celtics should have gotten one of the Top 2 picks about 4 times. After they only came up 1 time out of 10, I started to panic and kept running it. I ended up with the Celtics getting a Top 2 pick 2 times out of 17 before giving up and cussing out ESPN's stupid bullshit machine. And both times it was the #2 pick. I should've known better. The worst part, is the Celtics kept getting the 4th or 5th pick, which the odds were very much against. After it kept happening, I said to myself, "yeah, but that'll never happen. We'll get at least the 2 or 3..." Actually getting saddled with the #5 pick never even crossed my mind. It was like thinking of a UFO landing in your backyard. Is it theoretically possible? Yeah, I guess so. But you'd never expect it. I'm rambling. I need to move on.
3) Len Bias Dies - Most people would probably consider this number 1, or at least number 2, on this list, and with good reason. Len Bias dying before ever suiting up for the Celtics would be like if Kevin Durant dropped dead unexpectedly the day after he's selected by the Sonics. It was shocking and devestating, and was the first sign that maybe things wouldn't always turn up roses for the Celts. The reason I don't list it higher is that, at the time, we still had Larry Bird and fielded some very good teams after this. While it's true that the Celtics would never win another championship (and clearly that is something that is bound to continue), I don't think anyone could have sensed at the time that it would be the death knell for Celtics basketball. It wasn't the first in a long line of horrible luck; rather, it was just the first bad thing that had ever really happened to the Celtics. Who knew?
2) Reggie Lewis Dies - I remember when I heard about this (I was only 11 years old at the time), I'd just got back from playing basketball with my dad. It was so strange to think that somewhere not too far away, Reggie Lewis had been doing the same thing--just shooting free throws--when he collapsed and never woke up. I knew that there was something wrong with him, as I'd been watching the playoff game agains the Hornets when he collapsed the first time, but I always just sort of thought he'd recover. It was a crushing blow for the Celtics and all of New England, and it signaled the end of an era in Celtics history. The team really hasn't been the same since.
1) Celtics Don't Get #1 Pick in 1997 NBA Draft, despite Best Odds, miss out on Tim Duncan - This one still hurts every day. Having to watch Tim Duncan go out and win championship after championship after championship (and, undoubtedly after this year, after championship) has been brutal. Not winning that lottery left us Munsoned out in no-man's land, left to mediocrity year after year (with the exception of the magical run in 2002, which doesn't really count since everyone knew that 1) that team was playing over their heads; and 2) whoever won the Eastern Conference Finals was going to get the shit kicked out of them by the Lakers anyway, which inevitably happened to the Nets, who got swept). The fact that we got screwed again this year, amazingly only makes 1997 sting that much worse.
All Time Top Five Signs that the Boston Celtics are Cursed That Didn't Quite Make the Cut - Paul Pierce is stabbed outside a nightclub (but, thank god, he made a complete recovery); Rick Pitino Agrees to Coach Club (and proceeded to lay an egg and almost irrevocably destroy the club before hightailing it out of here; still, if he got Duncan, it might have been different); Vin Baker is inexplicably traded to the Celts (and brings his booze with him); and Red Auerbach dies before the 2006-2007 season (talk about bad signs; we miss you Red).
Friday, May 18, 2007
All Time Top Five Best Things To Hear About an Ex-Girlfriend Who Dumped You
A few months ago, a friend of mine told me he saw my ex-girlfriend at a bar. I was intrigued, as soon after we broke up, this girlfriend dropped off the face of the Earth, as far as I knew. The relationship hadn't ended well, and some pretty nasty things were said that some people might want to take back now. For that reason, I wasn't that concerned about her or her life, except for one thing--were things crappy for her? Because otherwise I couldn't care less. But there's just something about hearing that your former significant other has fallen on hard times since they left you that fills you with such immense feelings of schadenfreude. However, while any bad news will fill you with happiness at their misfortune, some things are definitely better to hear than others. So without further ado, the All Time Top Five Best Things to Hear About an Ex-Girlfriend Who Dumped You.
5) "I saw _______ today at the grocery store. Man, she's really fat now." - The ultimate catch-all. Your ex-girlfriend, who was svelte and beautiful when she was with you, has clearly fallen into a downward spiral of Haagen-Dazs and Bon-Bons since she broke up with you. And who will have her now?
4) "I was reading the newspaper today, and you'll never guess who got arrested! _______!" - If she's arrested for prostitution, this one moves up the list.
3) "I saw _________ at the mall today...with her kid!" Phew, dodged a bullet there...or did you? If a paternity suit follows, this one drops waaaaaaaaay down the list. Way down.
2) "Saw ________ at a bar last night. Man, she did not look good. She was waaaaaaaay too skinny, and had really big circles under her eyes and track marks in her arms. I think she's on drugs." - Yikes. Looks like her dumping you was the just the first in a long line of mistakes. You're feeling pretty good about that relationship ending now, that's for sure.
1) "You'll never guess who I saw at Starbucks today! __________! And not only that, but she was with one of her friends, and she was crying about how she'll never find a guy like you again and how dumping you was the biggest mistake of her life! Plus, she's fat now!" - The perfect storm of great things to hear about an ex. Not only has she realized her mistake, but she's so upset about it that she's breaking down in public. Plus, she's fat now! Double whammy!
All Time Top Five Best Things to Hear About an Ex-Girlfriend Who Dumped You That Didn't Quite Make the Cut: "I saw __________ today at the park. Man, her new boyfriend is ugly." (Solid, but, at the same time, she's got a new boyfriend, which still sort of sucks), "So you know how I still work with your ex-girlfriend __________? Well, not anymore--she got fired." (All well and good, but not quite personal enough...if she got fired for being a slut, on the other hand...), and "Did you hear about your ex-girlfriend __________? She's a dude now!" (Actually, this one isn't so great...)
If you've got your own great things to hear about an ex-girlfriend who dumped you, let's here 'em below. And ladies, what are some of the best things you'd like to hear about an ex-boyfriend who dumped you?
5) "I saw _______ today at the grocery store. Man, she's really fat now." - The ultimate catch-all. Your ex-girlfriend, who was svelte and beautiful when she was with you, has clearly fallen into a downward spiral of Haagen-Dazs and Bon-Bons since she broke up with you. And who will have her now?
4) "I was reading the newspaper today, and you'll never guess who got arrested! _______!" - If she's arrested for prostitution, this one moves up the list.
3) "I saw _________ at the mall today...with her kid!" Phew, dodged a bullet there...or did you? If a paternity suit follows, this one drops waaaaaaaaay down the list. Way down.
2) "Saw ________ at a bar last night. Man, she did not look good. She was waaaaaaaay too skinny, and had really big circles under her eyes and track marks in her arms. I think she's on drugs." - Yikes. Looks like her dumping you was the just the first in a long line of mistakes. You're feeling pretty good about that relationship ending now, that's for sure.
1) "You'll never guess who I saw at Starbucks today! __________! And not only that, but she was with one of her friends, and she was crying about how she'll never find a guy like you again and how dumping you was the biggest mistake of her life! Plus, she's fat now!" - The perfect storm of great things to hear about an ex. Not only has she realized her mistake, but she's so upset about it that she's breaking down in public. Plus, she's fat now! Double whammy!
All Time Top Five Best Things to Hear About an Ex-Girlfriend Who Dumped You That Didn't Quite Make the Cut: "I saw __________ today at the park. Man, her new boyfriend is ugly." (Solid, but, at the same time, she's got a new boyfriend, which still sort of sucks), "So you know how I still work with your ex-girlfriend __________? Well, not anymore--she got fired." (All well and good, but not quite personal enough...if she got fired for being a slut, on the other hand...), and "Did you hear about your ex-girlfriend __________? She's a dude now!" (Actually, this one isn't so great...)
If you've got your own great things to hear about an ex-girlfriend who dumped you, let's here 'em below. And ladies, what are some of the best things you'd like to hear about an ex-boyfriend who dumped you?
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
All Time Top Five Best Jim Carrey Movies
Did anyone see 'The Number 23'? It wasn't that great--some people I know thought it was truly awful. I personally thought there was a lot of camp value in it, and the cinematography was great. Still, I can't argue with the fact that it was disappointing. Some people were excited because it was a Jim Carrey movie though, and that got me thinking--is a Jim Carry movie something to get excited about anymore? And I'm not sure that it is. However, I'm not sure it isn't either. So let's take a look at Jim's best work. The All Time Top Five Best Jim Carrey Movies.
5) The Mask - I'm not sure how well it holds up today, but it was pretty great to see when I was a kid. And the special effects were really state of the art at the time. Couple that with Cameron Diaz's film debut (and she never looked better. Ever.), and you've got a solid Jim Carrey flick, part of the original 3 movies that made him a star (the other two being Ace Ventura: Pet Detective & Dumb & Dumber).
4) Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls - This was a surprisingly good movie, certainly much better than it had any right to be. The plot was ridiculous (something about a stolen bat and warring tribes in Africa?), but Jim Carrey-ed the movie (sorry, I couldn't help myself). I laughed a lot.
3) Ace Ventura: Pet Detective - The movie that made Carrey a star is still hilarious today. Eminently quotable, great throwaway gags and lots of memorable scenes. The fact that it featured the always creepy Sean Young (check out the controversy section) as a transexual placekicker made it all that much more funny. She does have a pretty deep voice though. I'd believe it.
2) Dumb and Dumber - This is quite possibly one of the 5 funniest movies of all time, or at least one of the most quotable (which should probably be a forthcoming list). I must reference this movie at least once a week and it came out about 13 years ago (which is pretty hard to believe when you think about it). Sadly, they had to make a half-assed sequel to try and sully it's memory. Fortunately, no one saw it.
1) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - This is one of my favorite movies. It's just spectacular, and Jim Carrey is surprisingly touching and real as a jilted lover who wants to forget his relationship. Of course, he's basically playing the guy from the Mask without the magic mask, but we can look past that. Kate Winslet is also phenomenal, as always. If you haven't seen it yet, stop wasting your time here and go put it on your queue!
All Time Top Five Best Jim Carry Movies That Just Missed the Cut: Bruce Almighty (gets a little overrated just because he hadn't done anything funny in a while), Liar, Liar (pretty funny, but I prefer my Jim Carrey humor without the half-assed sentimentality and moral lessons), The Truman Show (it was okay, but was Bizarro Bruce Almighty in that it was overrated just because Carrey played it straight and wasn't awful), and Man on the Moon (I actually thought this movie sucked, but Carrey did a good Andy Kaufman impersonation).
5) The Mask - I'm not sure how well it holds up today, but it was pretty great to see when I was a kid. And the special effects were really state of the art at the time. Couple that with Cameron Diaz's film debut (and she never looked better. Ever.), and you've got a solid Jim Carrey flick, part of the original 3 movies that made him a star (the other two being Ace Ventura: Pet Detective & Dumb & Dumber).
4) Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls - This was a surprisingly good movie, certainly much better than it had any right to be. The plot was ridiculous (something about a stolen bat and warring tribes in Africa?), but Jim Carrey-ed the movie (sorry, I couldn't help myself). I laughed a lot.
3) Ace Ventura: Pet Detective - The movie that made Carrey a star is still hilarious today. Eminently quotable, great throwaway gags and lots of memorable scenes. The fact that it featured the always creepy Sean Young (check out the controversy section) as a transexual placekicker made it all that much more funny. She does have a pretty deep voice though. I'd believe it.
2) Dumb and Dumber - This is quite possibly one of the 5 funniest movies of all time, or at least one of the most quotable (which should probably be a forthcoming list). I must reference this movie at least once a week and it came out about 13 years ago (which is pretty hard to believe when you think about it). Sadly, they had to make a half-assed sequel to try and sully it's memory. Fortunately, no one saw it.
1) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - This is one of my favorite movies. It's just spectacular, and Jim Carrey is surprisingly touching and real as a jilted lover who wants to forget his relationship. Of course, he's basically playing the guy from the Mask without the magic mask, but we can look past that. Kate Winslet is also phenomenal, as always. If you haven't seen it yet, stop wasting your time here and go put it on your queue!
All Time Top Five Best Jim Carry Movies That Just Missed the Cut: Bruce Almighty (gets a little overrated just because he hadn't done anything funny in a while), Liar, Liar (pretty funny, but I prefer my Jim Carrey humor without the half-assed sentimentality and moral lessons), The Truman Show (it was okay, but was Bizarro Bruce Almighty in that it was overrated just because Carrey played it straight and wasn't awful), and Man on the Moon (I actually thought this movie sucked, but Carrey did a good Andy Kaufman impersonation).
Monday, May 14, 2007
All Time Top Five Best TV Shows (on TV Right Now)
There's a lot of crap television out there...a lot. But some of it is actually pretty decent. And although it's not technically the best shows of all time, this is the list of the All Time Top Five Best TV Shows (on TV Right Now).
5) The Soup - The best thing about The Soup is that it saves you a lot of time. I don't watch 'American Idol' or any of those god-awful VH1 "washed up sort of famous people who were never really all that famous to begin with-reality" shows, but with The Soup, I don't have to. Anything remotely worthwhile on other crappy programs is crammed into a half hour of fun presented by the hilarious and almost-shockingly likeable Joel McHale. The show's lo-fi set and frat house feel make it a pleasant alternative to VH1's own similar, though much less entertaining and far more whorish 'Best Week Ever'. The Soup is must see every week. And no repeats!
4) How I Met Your Mother - When this show first came out last year, I watched an episode or two and was unimpressed. I didn't find it all that amusing or entertaining. Yet the buzz continued to build on it word of mouth, and there's nothing really worth watching on Monday nights. So I watched part of an episode here, another part there, and next thing I knew, I was cracking up on a regular basis. I don't know what happened between then and now, but this show is a riot. It also gets ridiculous bonus points for rebranding 'Doogie Howser, M.D.' as 'Barney', a feat in and of itself. Neil Patrick Harris's work on that show is outstanding. I think the guy is, in reality, just a really good actor.
3) The Office - Funniest sitcom on television. It had the unenviable task of living up the hilarious British version and did so admirably, and with more episodes. No easy feat. Thoroughly enjoyable all around.
2) Arrested Development - This one is kind of cheating since it was actually cancelled over a year ago, but it's still on G4 (some random channel that I stumbled upon once when flipping channels and seeing Arrested Development on...which is weird, because I think it's a channel about video games or something) and the fact of the matter is that it's quite possibly the best sitcom ever. Shame on you for not watching when it was new and fresh and the possibility of cancellation was merely a hideous black specter on the horizon. If you can, buy it on DVD. You won't be sorry.
1) Friday Night Lights - The best show on television right now, bar none. Week after week my fiancee and I would sit riveted by the deft acting and pitch perfect drama on this show. It's about so much more than just high school football. Please, watch it. It'll be back this Fall on Friday nights...watch it. Seriously. It's amazing.
All Time Top Five Best TV Shows (on TV Right Now) That Didn't Quite Make the Cut: Lost (it's picked up lately, but...I don't know guys. Might be time to head back to the drawing board); 30 Rock (another one you should be watching...it's really funny); The Simpsons (it's been so great for so long, I guess I just take it for granted); Family Guy (hasn't been that great lately...maybe they should just cancel the terrible American Dad and devote all their efforts to keeping this show hilarious, rather than having two mediocre shows. That's just my opinion though.)
And One Show That was Nowhere Near Making the Cut: Heroes. What's the deal people? Seriously. Am I missing something? Because I thought this looked like an awesome show, and I watched the first 4-5 episodes and it was just ridiculous. I mean, really, really, really awful. Why does everyone love it? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. What's the deal? Seriously, if someone could enlighten me, that'd be great, because this show just seemed like crap to me.
5) The Soup - The best thing about The Soup is that it saves you a lot of time. I don't watch 'American Idol' or any of those god-awful VH1 "washed up sort of famous people who were never really all that famous to begin with-reality" shows, but with The Soup, I don't have to. Anything remotely worthwhile on other crappy programs is crammed into a half hour of fun presented by the hilarious and almost-shockingly likeable Joel McHale. The show's lo-fi set and frat house feel make it a pleasant alternative to VH1's own similar, though much less entertaining and far more whorish 'Best Week Ever'. The Soup is must see every week. And no repeats!
4) How I Met Your Mother - When this show first came out last year, I watched an episode or two and was unimpressed. I didn't find it all that amusing or entertaining. Yet the buzz continued to build on it word of mouth, and there's nothing really worth watching on Monday nights. So I watched part of an episode here, another part there, and next thing I knew, I was cracking up on a regular basis. I don't know what happened between then and now, but this show is a riot. It also gets ridiculous bonus points for rebranding 'Doogie Howser, M.D.' as 'Barney', a feat in and of itself. Neil Patrick Harris's work on that show is outstanding. I think the guy is, in reality, just a really good actor.
3) The Office - Funniest sitcom on television. It had the unenviable task of living up the hilarious British version and did so admirably, and with more episodes. No easy feat. Thoroughly enjoyable all around.
2) Arrested Development - This one is kind of cheating since it was actually cancelled over a year ago, but it's still on G4 (some random channel that I stumbled upon once when flipping channels and seeing Arrested Development on...which is weird, because I think it's a channel about video games or something) and the fact of the matter is that it's quite possibly the best sitcom ever. Shame on you for not watching when it was new and fresh and the possibility of cancellation was merely a hideous black specter on the horizon. If you can, buy it on DVD. You won't be sorry.
1) Friday Night Lights - The best show on television right now, bar none. Week after week my fiancee and I would sit riveted by the deft acting and pitch perfect drama on this show. It's about so much more than just high school football. Please, watch it. It'll be back this Fall on Friday nights...watch it. Seriously. It's amazing.
All Time Top Five Best TV Shows (on TV Right Now) That Didn't Quite Make the Cut: Lost (it's picked up lately, but...I don't know guys. Might be time to head back to the drawing board); 30 Rock (another one you should be watching...it's really funny); The Simpsons (it's been so great for so long, I guess I just take it for granted); Family Guy (hasn't been that great lately...maybe they should just cancel the terrible American Dad and devote all their efforts to keeping this show hilarious, rather than having two mediocre shows. That's just my opinion though.)
And One Show That was Nowhere Near Making the Cut: Heroes. What's the deal people? Seriously. Am I missing something? Because I thought this looked like an awesome show, and I watched the first 4-5 episodes and it was just ridiculous. I mean, really, really, really awful. Why does everyone love it? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. What's the deal? Seriously, if someone could enlighten me, that'd be great, because this show just seemed like crap to me.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
All Time Top Five Best Presidents in US History
Because, why the hell not? The All Time Top Five Best Presidents in US History:
5) George Washington - This isn't so much for anything he did as president--he basically was just a war hero and was rewarded as such--but because he was the first. That's a pretty daunting task. And considering he didn't fuck it up, that alone merits inclusion on the list. Plus, this guy survived both Smallpox and Tuberculosis, in a time when few people did either. Well done, sir. We salute you.
4) Grover Cleveland - Grover Cleveland may not be the most well-known or best president in history, but who better to represent America's 'never say die' spirit than a guy who failed to be re-elected to a second term, but then came back and won the next time out! A bold move on both his part and America's--good for Cleveland to not give in to public opinion and put himself out there again, and good for the American public for admitting they made a mistake the first time around. If only we could have been so humble in 2004.
3) Teddy Roosevelt - This guy was a badass. He hunted, rode horses, and rocked a sweet handlebar mustache. He was leader of the rough riders, which was basically a group of volunteer badasses who kicked ass and took names during the Spanish-American war, and he coined the saying "Speak softly and carry a big stick," which was also could have been the unofficial motto of another of history's most famous badasses.The only blemish on his record--and it's not his fault, really--is the fact that Robin Williams sullied his good name by portraying him as a pansy (by virtue of the fact that he was played by Robin Williams) in 'A Night at the Museum'.
2) Abraham Lincoln - Despite also quite possibly being the ugliest president in history (normally I'd link to a picture here, but you could always pull out a $5 bill...or a penny, if that's more your style), he overcame this malady to not only win the election, but to lead the country through some really rough times with a great deal of tact. Between leading the Union to victory in the Civil War and aboloshing slavery, Lincoln showed a steady hand and earned his spot on Mt. Rushmore.
1) FDR - Guided us through World War II, the Great Depression, created Social Security and the United Nations...this guy did it all. He was so good at his job that he was elected to 3 terms. For someone to do so much in such a tumultuous time in our nation's history, it's hard to imagine anyone else being number one. If it weren't for him, we could all be speaking German right now. Huzzah Mr. President, huzzah!
Best Presidents in US History That Just Missed the Cut: Thomas Jefferson (the whole illegitimate children with slaves thing seems a bit seedy), JFK (only room on the countdown for 1 president with 3 initials), Harry Truman (it took a lot of guts to drop the bomb, but many of his accomplishments piggy-backed on work FDR had already done), George W. Bush (just kidding!).
5) George Washington - This isn't so much for anything he did as president--he basically was just a war hero and was rewarded as such--but because he was the first. That's a pretty daunting task. And considering he didn't fuck it up, that alone merits inclusion on the list. Plus, this guy survived both Smallpox and Tuberculosis, in a time when few people did either. Well done, sir. We salute you.
4) Grover Cleveland - Grover Cleveland may not be the most well-known or best president in history, but who better to represent America's 'never say die' spirit than a guy who failed to be re-elected to a second term, but then came back and won the next time out! A bold move on both his part and America's--good for Cleveland to not give in to public opinion and put himself out there again, and good for the American public for admitting they made a mistake the first time around. If only we could have been so humble in 2004.
3) Teddy Roosevelt - This guy was a badass. He hunted, rode horses, and rocked a sweet handlebar mustache. He was leader of the rough riders, which was basically a group of volunteer badasses who kicked ass and took names during the Spanish-American war, and he coined the saying "Speak softly and carry a big stick," which was also could have been the unofficial motto of another of history's most famous badasses.The only blemish on his record--and it's not his fault, really--is the fact that Robin Williams sullied his good name by portraying him as a pansy (by virtue of the fact that he was played by Robin Williams) in 'A Night at the Museum'.
2) Abraham Lincoln - Despite also quite possibly being the ugliest president in history (normally I'd link to a picture here, but you could always pull out a $5 bill...or a penny, if that's more your style), he overcame this malady to not only win the election, but to lead the country through some really rough times with a great deal of tact. Between leading the Union to victory in the Civil War and aboloshing slavery, Lincoln showed a steady hand and earned his spot on Mt. Rushmore.
1) FDR - Guided us through World War II, the Great Depression, created Social Security and the United Nations...this guy did it all. He was so good at his job that he was elected to 3 terms. For someone to do so much in such a tumultuous time in our nation's history, it's hard to imagine anyone else being number one. If it weren't for him, we could all be speaking German right now. Huzzah Mr. President, huzzah!
Best Presidents in US History That Just Missed the Cut: Thomas Jefferson (the whole illegitimate children with slaves thing seems a bit seedy), JFK (only room on the countdown for 1 president with 3 initials), Harry Truman (it took a lot of guts to drop the bomb, but many of his accomplishments piggy-backed on work FDR had already done), George W. Bush (just kidding!).
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