All Time Top Five Signs the Boston Celtics are Cursed

Some people here may not know it, but I'm a huge Celtics fan. And last night was a brutal stomach punch...I keep thinking it was a dream, and that I'll turn on the television tonight and watch us get the #1 pick and Greg Oden. But it's a horrible, horrible reality, and I'm feeling extremely sad today. To vent my frustrations, and for, I don't know, therepeutic reasons (?), today will be the All Time Top Five Signs the Boston Celtics are Cursed. Without further ado:

5) Celtics Trade #7 Pick in 2006 Draft to Portland, Portland Selects Brandon Roy, 2006 NBA Rookie of the Year, 2007 Lottery Representative for Portland; Portland Gets #1 Pick in 2007 NBA Draft - A mouthful, I know, but it's necessary to understand just how deep the curse runs. Portland trades us Sebastian Telfair (and his apparently unlimited supply of firearms) in exchange for the pick that was Brandon Roy. Roy goes on to be the best rookie in the league and undoubtedly a star for years to come. Fast forward to this year, and the Blazers realize they have a lucky rabbit's foot in Roy, so they send him as their representative to the Draft Lottery, where Roy's luck works again, as the Celtics get shut out of the Top 4 and Portland and Roy get Greg Oden (essentially). I feel like Rob Gordon in High Fidelity after he finds out Allison Ashmore married Kevin Bannister. "Alison married Kevin! I am fine now! Married her junior high school sweetheart: kissed me on the bench, kissed Kevin on the bench - MARRIED Kevin. This is great! This has got nothing to do with me! This is fate, this is destiny; it is beyond my control, beyond my fault. I love this!" Just keep repeating it...this has nothing to do with me. It is beyond my control...deep breaths...

4) Celtics get #5 pick in the 2007 NBA Draft Lottery - The logical follow-up to trading away Roy. Of course we'd be punished by the basketball gods for making such a boneheaded trade. Sure, we had something like an 88% chance of getting a pick better than 5, but...honestly, I'm not sure I can even discuss this rationally right now. It was a like a punch to the gut. A hard one. The funny thing is, I ran ESPN's lottery simulator 10 times last night. By odds, the Celtics should have gotten one of the Top 2 picks about 4 times. After they only came up 1 time out of 10, I started to panic and kept running it. I ended up with the Celtics getting a Top 2 pick 2 times out of 17 before giving up and cussing out ESPN's stupid bullshit machine. And both times it was the #2 pick. I should've known better. The worst part, is the Celtics kept getting the 4th or 5th pick, which the odds were very much against. After it kept happening, I said to myself, "yeah, but that'll never happen. We'll get at least the 2 or 3..." Actually getting saddled with the #5 pick never even crossed my mind. It was like thinking of a UFO landing in your backyard. Is it theoretically possible? Yeah, I guess so. But you'd never expect it. I'm rambling. I need to move on.

3) Len Bias Dies - Most people would probably consider this number 1, or at least number 2, on this list, and with good reason. Len Bias dying before ever suiting up for the Celtics would be like if Kevin Durant dropped dead unexpectedly the day after he's selected by the Sonics. It was shocking and devestating, and was the first sign that maybe things wouldn't always turn up roses for the Celts. The reason I don't list it higher is that, at the time, we still had Larry Bird and fielded some very good teams after this. While it's true that the Celtics would never win another championship (and clearly that is something that is bound to continue), I don't think anyone could have sensed at the time that it would be the death knell for Celtics basketball. It wasn't the first in a long line of horrible luck; rather, it was just the first bad thing that had ever really happened to the Celtics. Who knew?

2) Reggie Lewis Dies - I remember when I heard about this (I was only 11 years old at the time), I'd just got back from playing basketball with my dad. It was so strange to think that somewhere not too far away, Reggie Lewis had been doing the same thing--just shooting free throws--when he collapsed and never woke up. I knew that there was something wrong with him, as I'd been watching the playoff game agains the Hornets when he collapsed the first time, but I always just sort of thought he'd recover. It was a crushing blow for the Celtics and all of New England, and it signaled the end of an era in Celtics history. The team really hasn't been the same since.

1) Celtics Don't Get #1 Pick in 1997 NBA Draft, despite Best Odds, miss out on Tim Duncan - This one still hurts every day. Having to watch Tim Duncan go out and win championship after championship after championship (and, undoubtedly after this year, after championship) has been brutal. Not winning that lottery left us Munsoned out in no-man's land, left to mediocrity year after year (with the exception of the magical run in 2002, which doesn't really count since everyone knew that 1) that team was playing over their heads; and 2) whoever won the Eastern Conference Finals was going to get the shit kicked out of them by the Lakers anyway, which inevitably happened to the Nets, who got swept). The fact that we got screwed again this year, amazingly only makes 1997 sting that much worse.

All Time Top Five Signs that the Boston Celtics are Cursed That Didn't Quite Make the Cut - Paul Pierce is stabbed outside a nightclub (but, thank god, he made a complete recovery); Rick Pitino Agrees to Coach Club (and proceeded to lay an egg and almost irrevocably destroy the club before hightailing it out of here; still, if he got Duncan, it might have been different); Vin Baker is inexplicably traded to the Celts (and brings his booze with him); and Red Auerbach dies before the 2006-2007 season (talk about bad signs; we miss you Red).