All Time Top Five Best Presidents in US History

Because, why the hell not? The All Time Top Five Best Presidents in US History:

5) George Washington - This isn't so much for anything he did as president--he basically was just a war hero and was rewarded as such--but because he was the first. That's a pretty daunting task. And considering he didn't fuck it up, that alone merits inclusion on the list. Plus, this guy survived both Smallpox and Tuberculosis, in a time when few people did either. Well done, sir. We salute you.

4) Grover Cleveland - Grover Cleveland may not be the most well-known or best president in history, but who better to represent America's 'never say die' spirit than a guy who failed to be re-elected to a second term, but then came back and won the next time out! A bold move on both his part and America's--good for Cleveland to not give in to public opinion and put himself out there again, and good for the American public for admitting they made a mistake the first time around. If only we could have been so humble in 2004.

3) Teddy Roosevelt - This guy was a badass. He hunted, rode horses, and rocked a sweet handlebar mustache. He was leader of the rough riders, which was basically a group of volunteer badasses who kicked ass and took names during the Spanish-American war, and he coined the saying "Speak softly and carry a big stick," which was also could have been the unofficial motto of another of history's most famous badasses.The only blemish on his record--and it's not his fault, really--is the fact that Robin Williams sullied his good name by portraying him as a pansy (by virtue of the fact that he was played by Robin Williams) in 'A Night at the Museum'.

2) Abraham Lincoln - Despite also quite possibly being the ugliest president in history (normally I'd link to a picture here, but you could always pull out a $5 bill...or a penny, if that's more your style), he overcame this malady to not only win the election, but to lead the country through some really rough times with a great deal of tact. Between leading the Union to victory in the Civil War and aboloshing slavery, Lincoln showed a steady hand and earned his spot on Mt. Rushmore.

1) FDR - Guided us through World War II, the Great Depression, created Social Security and the United Nations...this guy did it all. He was so good at his job that he was elected to 3 terms. For someone to do so much in such a tumultuous time in our nation's history, it's hard to imagine anyone else being number one. If it weren't for him, we could all be speaking German right now. Huzzah Mr. President, huzzah!

Best Presidents in US History That Just Missed the Cut: Thomas Jefferson (the whole illegitimate children with slaves thing seems a bit seedy), JFK (only room on the countdown for 1 president with 3 initials), Harry Truman (it took a lot of guts to drop the bomb, but many of his accomplishments piggy-backed on work FDR had already done), George W. Bush (just kidding!).